Bad person or just Person?
honest is that person, who is the same with or without people around
Lately, I have realized I have not been a good friend. I haven’t checked on anyone, haven’t replied or called back to folks that checked on me.
Life’s been meh for a while now and I do not know how to lie about how I feel or how to be honest to someone. When they asked — how are you? I didn’t know if I should say what all life has thrown at me or should I just fake putting up the smiling mask and say I am great.
So, I haven’t reverted at all.
I know, now that I think about it — I feel I haven’t been a good friend. Like, I wasn’t honest about my feelings and I was scared to be trusting someone too much to be honest with them.
I have friends, I can’t deny. But I do not have that confidence to trust someone too deep that they know everything about me. Who I am! What I am going through. This isn’t just a day’s trauma that I am stuck with.
There has been an age of me where I was a best friend and I had one. I leaned too much and here I am today lost the feature of mine to trust again. This is a recent phase so maybe I’ll take a while to get back there — out with everyone and feel free to be who I am, trust people who they are. See them for what they have been rather let my emotions from my past experiences come in middle and leave me at this stage where I write this…
I can’t tell you dear person, why I haven’t texted you or why I am not checking up on you. I am merely checking up on me. I am totally absorbed in something I am still unaware of and that something is taking away all my time and mind.
Until I am out of it and fight for you, please let me be! For you could see me as a bad person, rude- to not being social and someone who isn’t really active in everyone’s life. But for me, from where I see myself. I am just a person, fighting this phase, trying to live my life.
I hope one day, I am able to tell you this that I am pouring out here. That I wasn’t being rude, I was just being a person.
